youcantdate.com

Oh, there’s so many rules, right? Don’t call within 3 days, don’t tell her you love her, don’t use an uneven number of words in a text message. Oh, aren’t we all little autistic scientists here, inventing the dating game?

A rule that hasn’t been well established (if I look at the search traffic to this site) is whether you should reply to an online message right away, or wait a while. If you’re looking for a quick answer: send a reply NOW. If you don’t want to come across too eager, tune the message, not the timing.

Why? Practicalities, really. First of all, online dating is a girl’s game. They choose. There’s no way around that. You send her a message, she chooses to reply. And, the odds are usually against you, as the cute girls get a lot of messages each day. Once you get a reply, keep the momentum going by replying straight away – right after you read the message.

Just to make one thing clear: I don’t mean, keep logged in all day and reply straight after a message arrives. That is just dorky. But if you happen to be online, there’s no reason not to reply straight away.

Secondly, ‘playing it cool’ doesn’t really work online. I don’t know what it is, but it doesn’t come across. Also, if first you send a message to her, and then all of a sudden start acting all disinterested and “I don’t care” – it won’t work.

And finally: a quick reply will make the correspondence more into a dialog, getting a quick reply back is more likely. You’re establishing trust, and all that.

So there you have it. Rule #3291.2: Thou shalt reply to an online dating message straight after reading it, especially if said message is a reply to the initial message that you sent.

When you’re serious about being successful in online dating, do yourself a favor and make an awesome first message, and then stick to it. You must send a lot of messages, to different girls, so one great message to all is much better than sending carefully crafted messages to a few girls.

“But Jim: I can’t find that many cool girls on the site xyx”. Then either the site you’re using is crap, or you’re too picky. Being picky and selective is good. I proud myself in having the highest standards, and accepting only the best. But judging someone on only their profile – even I don’t have enough people skills to accurately do that. If there’s a chance she’s ok – send the message. Meet for a drink, draw your conclusion, tell her if you don’t like her and get out.

One exception on standardization: the subject line and the greeting. Make up a subject line that replies to her profile, and have greeting that is just not ‘Hi there’. Even ‘Ola, chickenlips” is fine, as long as it’s not… you get the point.

Then, your message should contain why you’re contacting her, a compliment, a bit of humor, and an invitation to a date. Simple as that.

Ola chickenlips,

That’s a great picture of you in that sailboat / elephant suit / rocketship! You look real cute, and seem like a cool person. How about joining me in my pornographic embroidery class? Or just go for a drink… seriously, that would be great!

Take it easy, Henry VII

Oh do I need to tell you: don’t copy / paste this stuff from this site. Yes, I know it’s brilliant. And I’m all for creative commons and to hell with copyright. But people actually read this site, and if someone googles this stuff and finds out you haven’t been really original… well, let’s say you won’t get the girl. To the girl who googled your message and reads this: Yes, I am as awesome as you think and if you’re cute, send me a mail. I was kidding about your lips.

Ciao bella,

Just when I was thinking there aren’t any cute girls on this site, I come across your profile. You must get millions of messages from desperate guys. May I apologize for the male population. What about you get away from your computer and go for a drink with me? I’ll tell you all about that time I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork, promise.

Take care, Steven Segal

You get the point: why, compliment, humor, invitation. Tinker and improve, tune it till you get it right, prepare for lots of replies. This stuff works.

A lot of the visitors to this site are looking for online dating advice. Which makes sense, as well, if you’re taking dating advice from a website, your confidence in the internet is probably pretty big. Why not find a date online, right?

Well, as long as you can stand the tedious churning out of messages, tinkering with your profile and getting harassed by crazies, I agree – why the hell not? This post will summarize the optimal strategy for online dating – detailed in other articles on this site, and don’t worry – elaborated upon in many articles to come. Making this into a science is a bit of a hobby for me, what can I say…

I don’t need to tell you to start with a good profile, and include a photo where you look your best. Include more than one photo, and be aware of the story that the background may tell. This is basic stuff. Secondly:

Send lots of messages.
Online dating for guys is a fight against the odds: the cute girls get lots of messages which they can’t possibly all reply to. Aim to send at least five a day. Yes, that is a lot. You want to win or whine?

Standardize your first message.
Personalize the subject and the greeting, copy-paste the rest. Take an effort in tuning and tweaking your standard message, but make it standard. It may make you feel unoriginal and boring – but you’re not going to keep it up if you keep getting zero replies to your carefully crafted messages. Some sample standard messages in next posts.

Ask for a date in the first message.
It’s hard enough to get to know someone when talking face to face, don’t think you’re going to know someone by sending some messages back and forth. It’s annoying, takes time, and lots can go wrong. If the girl first wants to check you out trough IM or e-mail, then fine – but you should aim to meet face to face as soon as possible, so ask for it immediately. It shows confidence and clarity – and shows you’re not just want to chat.

Send replies quickly.
This may go against the rules of “don’t call a girl within 4 days” and all that stuff which you may believe in (hey, there’s some truth in it, but more on that later). But online dating is different. So she noticed you in her full inbox – don’t reply immediately and you’re on the bottom of the pile again. I haven’t seen anyone giving this tip online, and it has proven to be crucial. If you don’t want to come across as too eager – good point – then tune your messages, but not your timing.

Send a second message when you get no reply.
Most people send only one message, and then if they don’t get a reply, draw the conclusion they’ve been rejected and move on. If you did what I told you, have a good profile and send a good message – you should get a reply. If not, it’s safe to assume you elicited a “Meh”, or a “I’ll think about it”. Then three days later she logs in again, there’s a pile of new messages waiting, and you’re forgotten. Not if you send a second message, a “Hey – forgot about me? You must get lot’s of messages, but I’d really like to meet you – check me out and I’ll hear from you”. Good advertizing is repetition – make it work for you.

These things make all the difference. They’ll change your success tremendously, you’ll go on lots of dates and meet lots of girls. Your problem will no longer be ‘getting a date’ – but selecting who to date. And that’s the point precisely. Awesome.

Online dating is horrible, especially for guys. It’s what you would call a buyers market: there’s much more guys sending messages to girls than the other way around.

Statistics show that a hot girl on a dating site will receive over a hundred messages a day. Surprise: she’s not going to read them all – maybe five or so, on average. Now let’s assume your message and profile are pure gold – and of course they are, because I taught you. You’ll still only have a chance of one in twenty that she’s going to reply.

Two important conclusions: don’t be a crybaby and get over it if you don’t get a lot of replies. And: go for quantity. Be ready to send at least 5 messages a day if you are even remotely serious about giving this whole online dating crap a try.

David DeAngelo (Wikipedia) is, most probably, an ass. However, sometimes he has some good tips. Looking for some inspiration for first messages to sent when online dating, see below some of his suggestions.

Well, you sound like you might be more than just another pretty face. Something tells me that you’re probably getting about 50 emails a day from loser guys saying things like “Hi, I’m freshly divorced from my seventh wife, have 5 delinquent kids… but the good news is that I have a good chance at finally getting a job…” etc.

In any event, I’m 28, have my life together, and I’m more than the usual amount of interesting and funny, so you’d better like to laugh.  You sound like you might make an interesting friend, so let’s get together for a cup of
something delicious and some interesting conversation… if you think you can handle it, that is!

I was looking through all these ads here on the internet thinking to myself “Look at all the poor, desperate, lonely women…” and then I saw your ad and thought to myself “Hey, here’s a poor, desperate, lonely woman that’s actually CUTE…” so I thought I’d write and see if you’re as interesting on the inside as you are in this picture…

Well, they don’t come much cheesier than those, but still – confident, funny, to the point.

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