youcantdate.com

It depends. First of all, on your personality and phase in life, and how that relates to hers. Then it depends on what others will think of it. But well, that doesn’t really help does it? What we need science, bitches: some math. Barnabus Stinson delivers: I just picked up “The Bro Code” – (a hugely funny book by the way):

(click pic to go to amazon for details)

And Barnabus Stinson brings it back to a simple mathematical formula:

Well, there you go. So if you’re 28, 21 is the minimum age for a girl you can hit on. Problem solved, right? Good stuff.

Tom Waits hitting on a HOT chick at a party. Watch and learn. It does not get better than this.

(pic links to youtube video)

Waits: “You know I’m a doctor”

Waits: “I do, ah… laser hair removal, I do… acupuncture, I do… aromatherapy, that type of thing”

Waits: “Would you like something sweet?” (offers sweets) “Go ahead, take one”

Waits: “Wadda ya say we… go back to your place and eh… talk?”

Hot babe: “My roommate’s there”

Waits: “Bonus.”

Hot babe: “You’re a rascal” … winks.

Once you get into the pickup community, and start reading the methods of Mystery, Mehow, David DeAngelo and Neil Strauss, there’s a lot of new concepts and jargon words that are thrown your way. Acronyms like AFC, PUA, IOI, IOD, words like ’set’, neg, recalibration, takeaway – it seems they’ve tagged and pigeonholed every possible situation and technique.

Making social interaction – and especially picking up girls – into a science is a geek thing, obviously. It is trying to simplify and categorize human behaviour. The systems and methods they come up with are bound to be incomplete and inaccurate.

However, one thing is for sure: to become better at relationships, picking up girls, going on dates, you’re going to have to change your behavior. You probably know what kind of stuff you’d need to change – be more comfortable in a bar, be comfortable talking to strangers, be friendly, be in the moment. Meet more people, get to know people quicker, be more observant – there’s so much to improve.

What I like about the pickup-artists methods is that they are outrageous. They’re out there, they’re different and those guys have balls. They usually started out as shy guys, and through a lot of practice – and a lot of failure, they’re now very successful.

In this website, I’m using the pickup artists material in three ways: one, to take some excercises and ideas to get you out of your comfort zone and start interacting in ways you wouldn’t normally do. Two, by paying attention to certain patterns in social interaction, you start paying more attention to people. Whether you label this stuff and go all geeky, or you just try to be in the moment and let your subconcious make the next move, it doesn’t matter. And third: to keep this stuff fresh. There’s not a lot of people who are so insanely serious about this stuff, and to keep your focus and to keep improving, you need new input and some progress at least every week.

On the same subject as yesterday’s post, a short and simple podcast today on David Wygant’s blog about ‘how to get women to open up‘. It’s nothing mind-blowing, but often it comes down to simple things.

Ok Jim, get to the point already.

A mistake often made when meeting new people is to start with asking questions. “You like this bar?”, “Come here often?”, “What movies do you like?”, “Where are you from?”… because well, weren’t you told you should ask questions, and that girls like to talk about themselves??

Well yeah, but don’t start with an interrogation. Imagine someone doing the same to you, just while you’re talking to your friends, minding your own business, or just on your way to the loo. Pretty annoying, right?

The podcast offers a better approach, and suggests talking in statements when starting a conversation. “I think this bar is great”. Own the statement by using “I”, it’s much more confident, and much less annoying. It opens the opportunity for a reaction, but it doesn’t demand it.

Now how to make this into a habit. In relation to the small talk post, think up some pre-fab statements you can make in a supermarket, a bar, a library, the subway. “Wow (pause), 20 types of sugar / cereal / ketchup… I don’t think I need that many options”, “I didn’t think old people could party like this!”, “I always end up with too many books”, “I love the smell of commuter sweat. Makes me feel alive”. (I’m trying not to be too brilliant, to give you a good chance of coming up with better suggestions).

When meeting new people, sometimes you are just ‘on’ and psyched, you click and exciting conversation just seems to flow naturally. And sometimes, well, it seems to take effort, long pauses, you know what I mean. This ususally happens when you meet someone unexpected – when you’re just minding your own business, walking the dog or doing groceries.

How come some people seem to be so natural in simple conversations, a little smalltalk – any time of the day? Well either you’re a natural, or you need some practice. It’s not as difficult how it sounds: when interacting with strangers, it’s never required to be original. Just have one subject, appropriate for the situation and you’re good to go. The article below from David Wygant offers some inspiration: Obvious is good.

I don’t know about you, but taking advice about dating girls from a gay man does not seem like the greatest plan to me. Though today, that is exactly what we are going to do. Barney Stinson, a character played by Neil Patrick Harris in ‘How I met your mother’ is our guru du jour.

Barney: In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland.

There’s so much wisdom here, that we’re going to have to come back to Barnabus many, many times. As an introduction, start with this video:

One of the most important lessons from Barney is that you should never, ever, ever, ever-ever lose your self-confidence. Lose your shame. Be awesome without holding back. Always be ‘on’ – positive, psyched, ready for action.That’s the winner mentality:

Being awesome is a choice. It’s a mindset, a way of life. You can’t be half-awesome. You can’t be ‘trying to be’ awesome. The only way to get there is to start pretending to be awesome.

Barney: You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be AWESOME instead. True story.

To help you get psyched, here’s the ‘get psyched’ playlist as published in The Bro Code.

01 – Bon Jovi – You Give Love A Bad Name
02 – Twisted Sister – I Wanna Rock
03 – Digital Underground – The Humpty Dance
04 – Journey – Don’t Stop Believin’
05 – Joe Esposito – You’re The Best Around
06 – Kiss – Lick It Up
07 – Guns N’ Roses – Paradise City
08 – Rush – Tom Sawyer
09 – Vince DiCola & Stan Bush – The Transformers Theme
10 – Billy Idol – Dancing With Myself
11 – Scorpions – Rock You Like A Hurricane
12 – Styx – Come Sail Away
13 – Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird
14 – Van Halen – Panama
15 – Rick Springfield – Jessie’s Girl
16 – Poison – Talk Dirty To Me
17 – ACDC – Thunder struck
18 – Damn Yankees – High Enough
19 – Naughty By Nature – Hip Hop Hooray
20 – Mötley Crue – Dr. Feelgood
21 – Ratt – Round And Round