The soft sell
As you may have noticed, this site is more about the attitude, the philosophy of dating than that it gives a step-by-step, this-is-how-to-do-it approach. Personally I like that better, and I believe that generally people like this better – especially if they’re smart.
The soft sell is a concept from advertising and sales, which I think applies for many aspects of dating as well. The idea is to convince a potential customer into buying in a much more subtle way than in normal, or ‘hard’ sales. The convincing and persuasion is done on a more subconscious level. You just show the product, answer questions about it, and if someone wants to buy, they’ll just ask for it.
Imagine how this would work for dating. What if you forget about the chatting up, the ‘hard sales’ of trying to find a girl, and instead just work on being a good and interesting person. Show that, get noticed, and see what happens. If you build it, they will come.
Think about when you’re in a store, and a salesman approaches who really wants to make a sale. Generally, it’s annoying, isn’t it? Hard sales often is. What about a store where they have great products, you can have a browse around, take a look, get convinced about their value… and if you’ll want to buy or have questions, you’ll be looking for a salesman yourself. Think about this: how can you be more like an Apple store?
The soft sell is all about passively making people interested in you. And of course: be interesting. Have something to talk about – do you? That might be a subject for a future article: how to be interesting. Then, be open, be approachable. Don’t focus on selling yourself. Ask about other people, show interest. Don’t focus on convincing, but focus on the other person. Are they enjoying talking to you? Are they comfortable, smiling, relaxed? Drop a hint about doing something together, see how they react. It’s much easier than hard sales, and a “gentle no” is much easier to take.
