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The key thing about connecting with strangers is being present – not only physically (duh), but mentally. If you’re anything like me, you’re very likely to be just lost in thoughts half of the day. I may be at the train station, but in my mind I’m somewhere else.

There’s no way you can make a converstation with someone if you’re somewhere else in your mind. What I like to do to be more ‘in the moment’ and be more present, is to start with observing much more closely. Are you ever stunned by what kind of stuff kids seem to notice? They’re much less self-aware, and much more living in the right then and there.

I sometimes like to make it into a little game: imagine that tomorrow you’ll be questioned by the police about what you saw today. What were people wearing, where were you standing exactly, what time was it, what did you notice, what were people doing.

“Ok, but what’s the point with regard to dating?”, you may wonder. Right. Well, once you’re present and observing, think about conversation starters. Observations are always good conversation starters – less personal and intrusive if they’re about the surroundings (“wow, a Ferrari”), more intimate as you make them more personal (“love your unicorn t-shirt”). Turn them into questions that show your knowledge (“you wouldn’t say this place was built in 1912, would you? It looks so modern”), or playful (“how’d you know I like cornflakes for breakfast?”). And they’re the basis for another important thing: making honest compliments.

Being more mindfull, present, in-the-moment – it all sounds very nana-nunu, but it all starts with being a good observer.

Then besides the small talk and the picking up – being observant while on a date is even more important! She picks the Italian red wine – why? Did she go there on holiday? She wears bright red, old-fashioned earrings – nice, does she like antiques? Or did her gran gave her those? She’s looking at that painting, does she like it?

Then remember those things! Next date: Italian restaurant. Antiques shop, museum for modern art. Girls love this kind of thoughtfulness! And it all starts with being observant, the rest comes naturally.

It all sounds very basic, and of course it is, but lots of guys are more busy in their minds with how they come across, or what they should say next, or what she’s thinking right now, that they miss half the date. First of all, these thoughts are useless, and secondly, they make you a very boring date.